Of Vampires and Football Heads
by SlytherinSnake6886
Summary: Hey Arnold oneshot. Arnold is a vampire and Sid accuses him of it. What happens when Sid goes to far? Non iaculo iratus butum. Never prod an angry vampire.


Sid the Vampire Slayer, Act II: Of Vampires and Football Heads.

Chapter one: Is This Even Possible?

Sid POV

"Hey, guys? I think I'm gonna go home now. Before it gets dark an-" I didn't have time to finish my sentence because Arnold cut me off.

"Sid, it's three-thirty." "Well, uh, better be safe than sorry right? I don't want to be out here when the night-walking blood-thirsty vampire ghouls come out!" Stinky jumped in the conversation now.

"Well, Sid. I didn't know you were such a scarey-cat." I felt my face heat up. "I am _not_ a scarey-cat!" "Methinks the lady doth protest too much." Arnold said between bits of laughter.

I turned to face him. "Well, would _you_ want to be around those things?" "If you're scared of vampires, then why are you hanging around me?" asked Arnold. "'Cause I'm a blood-thirsty vampire!"

He started walking toward me while hissing, and I ran like the Devil was on my heels.

OoOoOoO

I walked to my bed, curled up under the covers, and found myself in a fitful sleep.

_The moon was full, and it was a cloudless night. I started walking in what looked like a Victorian age house, until I heard a rustling in one of the rooms. Out of nowhere, Arnold jumps out, baring his fangs. I ran down the stairs while screaming like a banshee. Through my screams, I could hear him say "I want to suck your blood." He backed me into a corner, and I knew I was done for. He leaned in, pushed my head to the side and-_

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!". Oh, I woke up. _Well school's gonna be great tomorrow!_ With that bit of sarcasm, I fell back asleep.

OoOoOoO

_Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, Breathe out... Oh. I'm hyperventilating, great. _

"Sid? Are you alright?" asked Stinky. I was startled out of my mental mantra, realizing that I was in school. "Um, yeah. I'm alright, Stinky."

Next to me, I could hear Rhonda say something. "Wow Arnold. Cool sunglasses." I looked to the front of the room at Arnold, and he was wearing some cool sunglasses. Black lenses with deep almost black rims.

"Thanks, Rhonda. My eyes have gotten a bit sensitive lately, so grandpa gave 'em to me." I felt my heart freeze, and I knew my skin had paled considerably.

Arnold noticed the fact that I was hyperventilating again and asked, "Are you _still_ hung up about the vampire nonsense? Sid, my doctor _told_ me my eyes were getting sensitive and _told _me to wear sunglasses." I knew I shouldn't have said what I had now, but I lost control. "Oh yeah? Same doctor who might sell you blood bags every month?" "Sid, calm _down_!" said Stinky, but I was a lost cause.

"Oh, so you're accusing me of something that you don't have any facts on? Check with me again when you _do _have facts to back up this nonsensical claim." So for the next few weeks, I collected evidence of Arnold's vampirism.

OoOoOoO

Okay, cornering a possible vampire is not easy. Not at all. So I waited for the sun to go down and crawled through an open window.

I tiptoed silently through what looked like the kitchen, up the stairs, and into Arnold's room.

He was watching something or another on the television, and heard the door open.

"Sid," he asked, "What are you doing here! And at this time of night!" Arnold looked mad. "Save it, vampire scum! I know you _are_ a vampire, so don't deny it! I've got your evidence right here: one, I compared your single bite from a sandwich and a bite from mine. Where the mark from the incisors were, yours made a bigger mark. Two, I took a picture of you. You didn't show up on the photo. Three, the sudden sensitivity to light! Do you need anymore proof?! I think not."

Now in place of anger, he looked positively _livid._ He stepped toward me, slowly but swiftly. I was frozen in place. With strength no one his age should have, he picked me up by the collar of my shirt and shook me a few times.

"Look, Sid. You do have evidence, but it's so _stupid_ and _trivial _I could deny it all. Did you _really _think I was stupid enough to let you gather evidence so freely, let you confront me, and tell you you were right? Beg to be spared by the point of wood? Yes, I am a vampire, but no one has evidence now."

He motioned to the bag of which I brought what I used to accuse him of vampirism. He flicked his hand, and the bag vanished.

He turned back to me and said, "Oh no, poor ickle Sid lost his evidence. Now, I can't let you live to tell about this little scuffle, could I? Goodbye, Sid. He moved my head to the side, and bit down on the jugular. Before I knew it, I was out like a light. The last thought before my heart stopped was '_I'm sorry, Arnold...'_

The end.

A little Hey Arnold oneshot. I don't and never have owned Hey Arnold.


End file.
